My pregnancy began with a miracle:
I have always known I wanted multiple kids. I love kids and
absolutely adore being a mommy. I’ve known I wanted to be a mommy since I was
12 year old. It was my calling and one I fulfilled with great joy. The day I realized I was indeed pregnant I was
singing in the praise team and I am sure I was singing louder and raising my
hands higher than anyone in that entire sanctuary because I knew something only
one other person in the world knew, I was going to have my second baby.
A couple weeks later my parents left for a cruise and that
night my dad had a massive heart attack and was air lifted off the ship to the
nearest hospital where they began emergency surgery to clear the blockage in
his heart. While they were in the process of this surgery he had a second
massive heart attack that in any other circumstance would have claimed his life
but by the grace and mercy of God he was in the very best place at the perfect
time and they literally save his life. It was an unmitigated miracle.
I expected Skylar to come 3 weeks early just like her big
sister did. Though my due date was August 13 I fully expected her sometime in
late July. Well because of an ultrasound that pushed my due date forward by 10
full days I expected her more like mid July. When that came and went and August
was nearing I already felt like I was overdue. But when my due date came and
went, that feeling was compounded. Finally the eve of my 6th day
overdue came and I went to pick my mother in law up from the airport she came
early to make sure I had someone to keep Hailey during “the big game”. I
was feeling exhausted and crampy all day but I chalked it up to lack of sleep
and being 4 weeks more pregnant than I ever had before.
That night the whole
family was in bed asleep but I lie in bed eyes wide open staring at the
ceiling. I decided to take a little swim. I went outside peeled off my pajamas
and waddled down the steps. The cool water felt amazing against my
uncomfortably hot skin. August in Houston after all is unforgiving with its
temperatures although this night was unseasonably cool ringing in at around 85. Unheard of for this time of year. I did a few slow squats and hip sways as I
had been doing daily for the last four weeks quietly singing Bob Marleys "Don't worry about a thing..." when the reflection of the moon on
the water caught my eye. I looked up at the perfectly still sky. It was
insanely bright. There were a few pink clouds juxtaposed against a purplish
night sky, the black shadows of tree branches gently swayed in the breeze while
a chorus of crickets sang their praises to their Maker accompanied by bullfrogs
as their rhythm section. Peace. Pure peace. My hands had been gliding in the
cool water I absent-mindedly brought them to my large round belly. I felt this
little person who I had carrying around for almost 10 moths now within me kick
me in the rib. I quietly thanked God that she was actually still head down
since we had flipped her for the fourth time into position 4 days before. My “body
must just be shaped in such a way that (my) babies like to go breech” my chiropractor had
said.
It was then that every thought that had been weighing on my
shoulders for the last several months, all the fears that had been hidden in
the crevices of my heart all at once came crashing to the surface. Lots and lots of what ifs began swirling
almost audibly, a hurricane of pain, and
fear, stress, and grief all came crashing
in around me. PEACE that word halted it all. Silence. Peace.
Then in the stillness the lyrics of a song came from deep within my
heart and out of my mouth at first like a squeak. “I know Who goes before me. I know Who stands
behind. The God of angel armies is always by my side. The One who reigns
forever He is a friend of mine the God of angel armies is always by my side. And
nothing formed against me shall stand. You hold the whole world in Your hands.
I’m holding on to Your promises You are faithful (a little louder) You are
faithful (still louder) You are faithful (over and over and over ) YOU ARE
FAITHFUL. (This time not a question any
more but now it was my anthem, my battle cry. I know who goes before me I know
Who stands behind the God of angel armies is always by my side the one who
reigns forever He is a friend of mine. The God of angel armies is always by my
side.
The fear, the grief, the what ifs all gone. I prayed. “Whatever you ask of me,
I trust you. You are faithful. I give her to you. She is Yours. I love her and
she is yours.”
It hadn’t occurred to me yet that I was afraid to give her
to Him. What if He chose not to give her back? Such a heavy thought but it was
the thing holding me back. I realized it was only because of Him that she
existed. And whether here or in Heaven she was His anyways, and He would do a
far better job of protecting her then I ever could. HE is creator, Healer,
Father God. HE is love. I am a frail flawed human doing the very best I could
and as pitiful as that sounds I would die for this child that I hadn't yet met
and He loves her far more than I ever could. So I chose to trust.
I went inside
dried off did a few deep squats for good measure and crawled into bed. A little over 4 hours later I was awoken by
an intense contraction. It was long and sharp. I breathed through it
re-positioned to try to get comfortable again and fell back asleep. Around 30
minutes later I had another one. This one was more intense then the first. I
laid in bed eyes wide open wondering if this was yet again a round of practice
labor. Several more came over the course of about 30 minutes. Annoyed I got up
to do the routine to determine if this was really go time or not. I got and up
walked around, drank some juice, had a bowl of cereal, tried different
positions, then a bath and finally a glass of wine. This process took about an
hour and they continued to come. (This was new). I crawled into bed around 4 am.
Andrew shot up asking if I was ok I informed him he would be working from home
today because I didn’t want to risk him going in and me going into labor and
him missing his daughter’s birth! We snuggled and talked and made out for a
while and during a particularly awesome kiss I was hit with a HARD long
contraction. He gently rubbed my belly and reminded me to breath in a sweet comforting
tone. It was then that I realized this
really could be the real de—Bam another one. It was about 5:45. I snuggled into
Andrew and tried kissing him some more but kept getting interrupted but
contractions and they were getting closer together. We began timing them. I got
up to brush my teeth and we straightened up. I encouraged him to wake up his
mom so she could start getting ready. All the while they were increasing in
intensity and frequency. We called Cathy the Midwife around 630. They were
about 3-5 minutes apart lasting around a minute. She asked if she should come
now (she lived about 30 minutes away) I didn’t feel like she needed to but keep
her phone on her and we would call when she did. 30 minutes later I was
attempting to braid my hair cause I was determined to have pretty hair for this
birth (I looked like a bloated Cruella Deville by the end of Hailey’s minus the white and
definitely didn’t want that this time) but I was soon being doubled over with
each contraction stopping to hit start on the contraction timer app and
reminding myself to breath through them. They were now 2-3 minutes apart
lasting over a minute. We called Cathy I texted Karlin (my friend/doula) and
Ashley my other friend a last minute but welcomed addition to the birth
team. It was time to “hatch a bird”
Andrew inflated the birth tub and began filling it with water, I had a glass of
juice and a bowl of oatmeal while snuggling with Hailey.
The reality that she
was no longer going to be the baby hit me hard. Finally Martha was ready to go,
Hailey gave me a kiss and hug she was excited to go see her Mimi and Poppy with
no clue what she would come home to. Just as they were leaving the birth team
began arriving. The order of which I am not sure, but the excitement in the
room was palpable. I feel like I should point
a few things out. When I dreamed of and prayed for my perfect birth day I
wanted it to be in the morning. And for it to start early enough that Andrew
wouldn’t have to go in. I wanted it to be sunny and warm but not too hot. So I
could labor in the pool if I so chose. I wanted soft natural lighting in the
room I would deliver so we could get great shots because I WANTED good pictures
of this day. Hailey’s birth the majority of the pictures I have are GRAPHIC and
not pleasant to look at. I wanted something different this time around. I wanted it to go fairly fast but not too fast that I wouldn’t be able to remember or enjoy the day. (after 20+ hours of Hailey’s true labor and not
making it past a 3 1/2 cm till almost 16 hours in, anything less than 12 hours would seem like a
true triumph). I did not want an I.V. and wanted her to be born in the water in
the caul.
(I should also point
out I keep referring to Hailey’s birth since she is the only other birth I have
experienced and all I really have to compare it too. )
When she got there after her sweet warm greeting and a
little set up Cathy suggested we do a check to determine how far along things
had come. At her arrival I was 4 cm dilated and 90% effaced. This felt
miraculous to me. But she was sunny side
up so we began some living room yoga, first the inversion (which felt amazing) then
the Ribozzo technique (also felt amazing).
Both were effective and she was now
in perfect position. I hung out in the living room for a while. The warm sun and
quiet excitement made me happy. I turned my worship music playlist on the TV and
informed the team that I was hungry again. We discussed different food options,
few options sounded appetizing but we decided on a pineapple smoothie. I sipped
at it between contracting, doing stretches and pelvic tilts and finally
kneeling in the middle of the floor just thanking God that this day had finally
arrived. One of my very favorite worship songs came on “All I need is You, all
I need is You Lord, is You Lord” I lifted my hands and sang along.
The stage
was set. This baby was to be born into an atmosphere of praise and worship.
It didn't take very long before I began to feel the urge to
use vomit which is considered a sign that things are moving along nicely. Sure
enough I was around a 7 (miracles!) far enough along to get into the tub.
WOOHOO! (But not before Karlin jokingly told me I was too chatty and not contracting
enough, I laughed just then a contraction hit me hard I groaned that it was her
fault. She did my very favorite comfort measure as penance and pressed on my
hips (counter pressure) . (God bless that woman I love her)
I waddled down the hall had 2 contractions on the way and
got to the tub. The temp was checked and it was too hot. So I leaned on the tub
as they cooled the water a bit. A few minutes later finally it was the correct
temperature and after awkwardly entering (something like a potbelly pig
attempting to enter an inflatable children’s pool I’m sure) my body absolutely
melted into that water. It felt euphoric.
I floated around a bit till I found
my perfect spot, my arms draped over the side, my head resting on the wall
holding on the the handles for leverage during contractions (from this point on I will refer
to them as waves, because that is much faster to type). My large round belly
enveloped by the warm water.
The bathroom was chosen because it was where I wanted to be due to
the lighting and thankfully the tub fit perfectly in the open area of my
bathroom but there wasn’t much room to navigate around the edges. This caused
for a funny game of people tetris as they attempted to move in and out tending
to my needs. Karlin stayed by my side
almost the entire time.
The first few hours in the tub were filled with funny
banter between me, Ashley, Karlin, occasionally Andrew Cathy and Connie (also a
midwife and Cathy’s partner. I had specifically requested her because of her
sweet calming demeanor and my comforting experience with her from Hailey’s
birth)
We talked and joked about everything from Princess Kate’s
obscenely small baby bump to Kim Kardashian’s baby’s unfortunate name to the ill-timed
commercial that came on during one particularly intense wave “It’s a pain only
a woman can understand” We all busted out laughing. The jokes and stories were
sprinkled with waves, some more intense than others, often being punctuated by
my impressive intestinal pyrotechnics. Jokes were made because an Easter candy
bucket became my puke bucket. Ashley in her type A personality would never let
me live that down. But hey it along with towels being pulled out of laundry
baskets, a bra hanging on the door next to me, a movie cup with the cast of
twilight my drinking glass all fit with my quirky personality. It was me. That
is in part the beauty of home birth. It is whatever you want it to be. There
are exceptions of course as things don’t always go exactly according to plans
but for me on this particular day it was perfect.
After some time floating I was once again checked and was
making great progress but due to an unevenly opening cervix it was suggested I
do some lunges in the water. I KIND of did one and after the intensity of the
wave that wracked my body as a direct result I said NOPE not gonna do those, hoping
no one would realize I only did one I agreed to just change positions in the
water. Any time I would move around, stand up, walk to the toilet etc my body
would respond favorably with rewarding me with more contractions and more
puking. At one point a possible pic line was suggested if I couldn’t keep fluid
down, I promised to drink more often and so Ashley and Karlin’s liquid campaign
began. I felt like they were sticking a straw in my mouth every 2 minutes but
thanks to them I successfully avoided needing an I.V. Something I am extremely
grateful for. And call me weird if you
want but I was ok with the puking. It was a distraction from the contractions.
Besides, retching acts like 10 contractions in opening your cervix so who knows how
long this day would have taken had it not been for that?;)
During my first pregnancy I had taken a hypnobirthing course
but never finished the book. During this pregnancy I read the book cover to
cover and practiced all of its principles. I also read Inna May Gaskin’s guide
to childbirth. This was the number 1 best thing I could have done. I highly recommend
it to any and everyone who will in any way be involved in childbirth. She talks
about the mind body connection which is a major basis for hypnobirthing. Your mind is far more powerful then you
realize. Ever had a dream that was so real it brought you physical pleasure or
physical pain? How about the physical affect stress has on you (stomach pain,
ulcers, hair loss, weight loss or gain, heart problems etc) Did you know that
stressful situations can actually stall your labor? It is documented. It is why
animals seek seclusion when they birth their young. When they feel safe they
will give birth. But I digress. I read about the importance of contractions and
how their purpose is to open the cervix. If you fight them or tense your body
during them you decrease their effectiveness. This became my mantra, any time I
would have a wave and feel myself tensing or fighting it I would stick my
tongue between my teeth and slowly breath in then vocalizing quietly as I
exhaled. “relax your body, let it do its job.” I would often thank my body for
working so well, telling myself “You are strong, this one is almost over, it can’t
overtake you, because it is you.” Or “Thank you for this one, it is bringing my
baby closer to me, don’t get between it and my baby just let it ride, breath” I
had this mental image I held on to and if I found myself beginning to struggle
I would visualized me sitting in the surf of a beautiful ocean a torrential
storm on the horizon, the waves choppy and strong, and Skylar on a little boat.
Each contraction was simply a wave which was bringing her closer to me. If I
fought the waves they would crash into me with resistance and cause pain. If I
welcomed them I would rock with them and be that much closer to meeting my baby
for the first time. During one wave I started to fight it but Karlin’s sweet
voice softly reminded me to think about my baby. So I did. As she rubbed my arm
I pictured rubbing my lips on her fuzzy head, hearing her grunts and coos as I
kissed her little nose, cradling her in my arms as her tiny fingers wrapping
around mine forever wrapping herself around my heart settling into her permanent
place there. Tears came to my eyes and a smile spread across my face as joy
overtook me. I was so grateful. The next contraction came. Sure I felt it but
my mind was so filled with this incredible image, my heart so full of gratitude
I humbly thanked my Maker for this amazing breath taking gift. I thanked Him
for allowing me to experience this and for my gift which I was allowed to have
such a pivotal part in bringing about.
One thing I remember vividly was that any time I would stand
up I would ask for Andrew to come and support me. Inevitably the waves that
would come would be so intense I would lean a lot of my weight on him, his strong
arms wrapping tightly around me holding me up when I could barely stand on my
own. It was such a beautiful picture of our marriage. Of how he came into my
life (but that’s a blog post for another day) He was my partner, my support
system, my rock. The comfort I felt from his smell, his arms, and his whispered
love was breath taking. He would tell me
in my ear how strong I was, how great I was doing, how proud of me he was, how
beautiful and how much he loved me. It empowered me.
There were times during
this day when I felt like a birthing goddess, strong, capable and powerful.
There were times when I felt helpless, surrendering myself to my Almighty
Creator Who without Him I was completely incapable of doing anything good. It
was a glorious range of raw emotion that like a rainbow bordered by storm
clouds is a wonder to behold. The intensity of the waves grew steadily. The mood
changed from jovial to “go time”
Besides hushed discussions in the other room, I
could hear the sound of water being wrung out into a bowl by my sweet friend Karlin
who was dutifully going back and forth between keeping cool clothes on my neck
and forehead and gently caressing my arms, placing the straw in my mouth making
sure I was indeed drinking, holding my puke bucket then wiping my mouth with a
clean cool rag and whispering prayers over me and Skylar. My other precious friend Ashley would offer me
a sweet smile as she would take the bucket dump it and then wash it out. Bringing
fresh sonic ice and feeding me spoon fulls. It reminded me of Jesus washing His disciple’s
feet, such true selfless love. It occurred to me that this was what I had been
praying for. These are TRUE friends that I knew would be in my life for a long
time. I love them both so very much and will be forever grateful for the
support and love they showed me this day.
I was laying back in the water and struggling with trying to
relax when the song “can you feel the mountains tremble can you hear the oceans
roar, when old and young began to sing of Jesus Christ our risen Lord. OPEN UP
YOUR GATES AND LET YOUR RIVERS FLOW LET YOUR STREETS RESOUND WITH SINGING.. SONGS
THAT BRING YOUR HOPE AND SONGS THAT BRING YOUR JOY DANCERS WHO DANCE UPON
INJUSTICE. I wrote it that way cause that’s how I always sing it. It really
empowered me. Open up, release, trust, peace. Bam Contraction. I started to
fight it then the song that was my anthem, my war cry filled my mind. I know
who goes before me I know who stands behind. The God of angel armies is always
by my side. The next song came on “All I
need is you, all I need is you Lord, is You Lord…” tears were streaming down my
face as I whispered up the thankful prayer that all I need was my God. He was
faithful.
I finally decided that I was hot and wanted out of the tub.
Andrew helped me out and I laid in bed with the heating pad.
Within minutes
things changed. The waves now felt like one big tsunami that came and came and
came. One on top of the other, the pressure in my pelvis was intense. She was
coming. My vocalizing became more insistent as I tried to moan louder hoping
that it would offset the intensity, a final check was done and sure enough I
was fully dilated and that head was right there. It was in that moment it occurred
to me. My water had never broken. They asked me if I wanted to move back to the
tub or stay there. I with the assistance of Cathy Andrew and Karlin waddled
back to the tub. *How I did that I will never know.. cause walking with a head in your birth canal is like trying to walk with a bowling ball between your legs* I collapsed into the pool I
could feel her as she was making her way down and out. The sensation was much
stronger this time then it was with Hailey I reached down and could feel the
bag bulging, Cathy excitedly told me that she was probably going to be born in
the caul. Something I had mentioned wanting.
I pushed 3 times (although it felt like an eternity) I was
later told it took all of maybe 5 minutes from when I got off the bed to baby
out. While I was pushing I could hear Ashley and Karlin praying and feel
Andrews arm around my shoulders. He was whispering sweet words of encouragement,
empowering me to go on though at that point I was ready to stop.
I don’t know
if someone said this or I just realized it but the thought that “the faster you do
this the faster its over” hit me, so I pushed hard. Bam she was out and was pulled up out of the
water,
the bag peeled off of her and was quickly handed to me. I sat back in the tub and hugged this amazing
wrinkly perfect little thing to my chest kissing her head over and over. I
looked down at her and said “Hi beautiful! I’m your mommy. You are so perfect I
love you so much.”
The details of all that were said in the next hour fade
together but it was absolutely euphoric. Holding my gorgeous baby girl whom I
had longed to meet for so long, sitting next to my sweet husband surrounded by
precious friends who had grown so dear and being checked and watched over by a
woman whom I love and respect deeply, who has been a part of the pregnancies
and births of both of my children. She
has been my confidant; counselor, my friend and the person who helped me have
the births I wanted so dearly. If it hadn’t been for her my first birth would
surely have ended in a c Section. Because she fought for me it didn’t, and as a
result my second birth was the perfect water birth I always dreamed of.
I sat there for a good hour, nursing her, hugging and kissing
her talking to her and the birth team, enjoying a sweet kiss from my dream man
from time to time as well as a large refreshing sonic sprite. After the
placenta was delivered and the cord had fully stopped pulsing it was clamped
and Andrew cut the cord. I was ready to get out of the water so she was handed
to Karlin who wrapped her in a towel as Andrew climbed over the tub to get to
the bed.
I was dried off and climbed into bed for the final once over.
The tub
was drained and cleaned. Skylar got to know her Daddy while I rested for a bit
and had a bite to eat.
She was then weighted measured, and checked up. Pictures
were taken, hugs and words of encouragement exchanged, we were tucked in and I
nursed some more.
I can’t say enough about how perfect and amazing this day was. The
thing that was the poignant cherry on top was my dad came and stayed with me
while Andrew went to go pick up some meds I needed for pain relief. He sat at
the foot of my bed and held my baby girl. It was the first picture I ever took
of her. This man who when I was only 6 weeks pregnant with her had 2 major
heart attacks that by all medical accounts he should not have survived. But
because of a miracle he was standing here 9 months later holding his newest
grand baby.
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I was lying in my bed eyes filled with tears and a heart filled
with joy and gratitude.
I am honored and humbled and grateful that God chose me to
be this child’s mother. She is seven months old now and is the happiest baby I
have ever seen. She smiles ALL. THE. TIME. at everyone. She is my radiant joyful, happy
little song bird.
Skylar Nicole Cuevas born August 20 2013 at 1:44 pm. 8.03 oz 20 ¼ inches long.
