I know that like 3 people read this but it's not really for them it's for me. I havn't blogged in oh 3 years or something but hey it's all good.
Life has changed drastically.
I have 3 kids now... crazy. I might post Ryan's birth story/info etc soon but for now the job at hand.
I am sick. Really I have been sick most of my life. Living with a chronic mystery condition that causes me daily pain and inconveniences. Unless you live with a chronic illness it's hard to really understand what someone who goes through it lives with. I can't eat like normal people. Where others view food as a source of pleasure I view it as a potential source for pain and a gun that will trigger an attack. Any time I travel I know inevitably I will be sick. Even if I do my best to pack healthful snacks inevitably one day or often more I will have sour stomach acid reflux, diarhea painful cramps, bloating and the inability to get comfortable or feel good.
Fun outings lose their appeal when you are sick during them. Foods that others view as a pleasurable experience look to me like pain, poison. You would think I am a thin woman but quite the contrary. In fact I often look pregnant because I am almost constantly bloated. In the legs I am a 7 but in my waist closer to a 12. I look like a potato on tooth picks.
People might argue with me and tell me I need meds and believe me, I have taken literally everything over the counter for any kind of stomach issue you can imagine. But the only things that bring SOME relief of SOME of my symptoms are linked to things like kidney failure and bone density loss so where does that leave me? Unchecked symptoms can literally lead to cancer. Medication for these symptoms can cause my kidneys to fail. I am only 31 and can't bank on some pharmaceutical. It is now time to take matters into my own hands and do whatever it takes to heal this. I don't even care about losing weight/getting skinny/being pretty like used to be my goal. If I had to subsist of a diet of egg whites and water for the rest of my life but it healed my gut and gave me a normal existence then I will do it. That is how desperate I am to feel better.
I am sick and bloody tired of being constantly sick and bloody tired. I am done having the tv babysit my kids cause I am so fatigued or depressed I can't get out of bed. I refuse to continue living life like this and it is now time to make a change.
Here is where it gets hard. I am scared and sad. I have to completely change my entire life. Basically for now till I get the hang of what going completely grain free looks like I need to stick to only fresh veggies, fruit, meat, eggs and legumes. No prepared sauces, spice mixes, canned anything, or shelf stable anything. No grains, no dairy. (help!) My head is spinning. If I were only cooking for me this would be easy cause I would just have eggs, chicken, fruit and veggies. Boom. Done. but my family has other ideas. I need to completely change the way I and my family view food. I think for now till I get the hang of it I need to order my food and avoid the store altogether to avoid the temptations there. My kids won't starve if they don't get the packaged crap we call food. In fact this could be really good for them.
I need to do more research but I think alcohol has to go too. Most of it is made with grains... plus what do you drink it with? Soda and that crap is pure poison. I know this. With every fiber of my being I know this but holy crap soda is SO addictive. It is my kryptonite. I love it and I need it and I hate it. It is making me sick and fat and miserable. I need to ask myself. Do I want to keep my foot or do I want that root beer? Do I want to avoid my husband having to help change my colostomy bag because my intestines are full of holes or do I want that cheese burger?
Even the best tasting "treats" on the planet cannot compare to the feeling of health and well being. I am tired of noxious painful embarrassing gas and every other symptom currently plaguing me. Time to stop talking and actually DO something about it.
